Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Dream

It looks alone, unused, abandoned.  It sits there, waiting.  It represents my dream, a dream that I thought would never come true.  A dream that was just a dream.  It tells a story.  A simple childs swing set and yet, a  picture of my dream come true.

I remember, when I was around six years old, my mom asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  "A mommy.", I told her.  "I want to grow up, get married and have twelve babies."  My aunts and uncles used to tell me, "I hope you have a dozen kids when you grow up!"  I would carry my little cousins around on my hip all the time.  They would cry when I put them down.  You know, the kind of cry that a child does when he is spoiled.  When I was 15 my uncle had a baby girl.  Krissy was my baby (or so I thought).  When I started dating, I would take Krissy on dates with me!  I knew that my life would not be complete without a little one in it.

I got married when I was 17.  I wanted babies right away and yet it didn't happen.  I was so disappointed.  But I know things happen for a reason.  That marriage ended in divorce and, several years later, he killed himself.  If I had had a child with him it would have been very hard on that child.

I got pregnant when I was 34.  Oh what a time!!!  I was so excited and happy!  But sadly, I lost my baby.  Another proof that God knows what he's doing and what's in store for us.  His father was a jerk!  He told me that if the baby was a boy I should have an abortion but, if it was a girl we would get married.  After this baby, Spencer, I was told I would not get pregnant again and that I shouldn't.  If I did it would be dangerous and the pregnancy would end the same way.  I had a molar pregnancy and reoccurance is very likely.

Anyway, I always lived with someone, during both of my marriages.  We never had our own home - always with their mother.  Another part of my dream was to have my own home - a place that no one could make me leave or tell me that I couldn't change something around if I wanted to.  It appeared that the dream of having my own home wouldn't come true too.

I met Mark in 1998.  We enjoyed seeing each other on the week ends.  Not dating or anything like that.  He was a musician and I was in a dance class that dance where ever he played.  He knew the father of my child and didn't like him.  We became good friends and that was it.  We eventually started seeing each other and in 2005 we got married.  We  found out, much to our surprise, that I was pregnant!  Oh what a happy and tense time!  Two ultrasounds later we knew for sure that this pregnancy was not another molar pregnancy.  Our baby boy was born December 12, 2005 weighing 4 pounds 7 ounces!  We were (and still are) elated!

In September of 2008, we moved from the Gulf Coast of Florida to the Upstate of South Carolina.  We bought a house.  We moved in on Thanksgiving day. Yes, I had a lot to be thankful for!  For Christmas - just after my son turned three - we got his swing set.  My life was great!!

So, this empty swingset represents my dream come true!!  You see, I have a wonderful husband, a home of my own, and a little boy who plays on that swingset!!

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Today's Comfort

Today was our family day.  We seldom have a day where all three of us are off together and we had fun.  We went to ShipWreck Cove, which is a local water park.  Sean loves that place!  He's working had on learning to swim.  He is jumping into the water and then moving to the side of the pool to pull himself out.
We took a break and had a little ice cream to help us cool down.
Before we were able to get back into the water, they closed the park down.  They said that the chlorinator broke.  They issued a raincheck so we will be going back soon.

It was a very relaxing day.

My Monday

Normally my Mondays are awful!  I go to work at 9 a.m. and do paperwork.  I make out the schedule for the week and then count my inventory.  At some point, after the schedule is posted, someone says, "Oh, I have to be off on...".  Couldn't you put that date on the calender BEFORE I make the schedule? 

After doing all that I have a regular day (is there any such thing?).  Then, at 10 pm, I close the store and do all the end of the day paperwork.  After that I have to finish the enventory.  I normally get to leave the store between 11 and 11:30 pm.  It's a very long day.

Yesterday I took a break.  I left the store and picked my son up from summer camp.  When I started back to work the clouds were getting thick.  I remember looking toward the mountains and thinking, "I sure hope some of that rain makes it to us."  We need rain!  I've never liked the rain or cold weather.  This year, I can't wait for winter!!!!  It has been so hot and dry!

Anyway, I stopped on the side of the road and took a picture of Hog Back Mountain from the area called Ingleside.  My most favorite view!  I took a picture of the rain on my windshield - cliche, I know, but pretty.

After that, I went back to work.  We got some of the rain, not a lot but better than nothing.  Later in the evening I stepped outside and got a nice surprise.

I know that a rainbow is God's promise that he will not destroy the world with water again.  When I saw this rainbow over my work I felt that it was a promise that Monday's won't always be so bad!

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Reflections of the Past, Reality of My Life

Today Sean, Mark and I went on a road trip.  We haven't done that in so long!  Anyway, we ended up in Union, SC and found the lake where Susan Smith drowned her two children - Michael and Alex.  I remember this happening after I moved to Florida and I remember feeling sad about the boys and ashamed that I was born and raised in the same state as the "mother".  Today I took photos of Michael and Alex's memorial stone.  My son was standing in front of the memorial and I caught his reflection in the stone.  It was a moment I won't soon forget.  I was not a mother when Susan Smith killed her children but 5 1/2 years ago I became one.  I still can not comprehend how a mother could do that to her children!  I have more of a problem with it now that I have my own son.

May Michael and Alex Smith rest in peace and may my son, Sean, never know a day of harm in his life!

The Beginning

I'm not sure if blogging is for me.  I've never been very good at keeping a journal or following through with completing a diary and such.  However, I know that life goes quickly and so does the mind!  I would like for this blog to be something my son can scan through one day and know a little more about who I am and what my hopes and dreams are.

I love photography! I love to capture an image that makes me stop and say, "Wow!".  I love feeling something when I look at other people's photographs.  I want to evoke feelings in other people through my photography.  If I don't, that's ok too.  I still get something out of capturing an image that pleases me.

I've been slack with the camera lately.  Haven't picked it up for a while and I've missed it!!!  Yesterday I was just playing around and took a picture that just seemed to say "comfort" to me.  I realized what has been out of whack with me and it is me missing my photography.  Sooooo...what do I do about that?  Well, fix up my camera bag as my purse once again and take it everywhere I go!!!  Let the fun and comfort begin!!!