Sunday, July 31, 2011

The Dream

It looks alone, unused, abandoned.  It sits there, waiting.  It represents my dream, a dream that I thought would never come true.  A dream that was just a dream.  It tells a story.  A simple childs swing set and yet, a  picture of my dream come true.

I remember, when I was around six years old, my mom asking me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  "A mommy.", I told her.  "I want to grow up, get married and have twelve babies."  My aunts and uncles used to tell me, "I hope you have a dozen kids when you grow up!"  I would carry my little cousins around on my hip all the time.  They would cry when I put them down.  You know, the kind of cry that a child does when he is spoiled.  When I was 15 my uncle had a baby girl.  Krissy was my baby (or so I thought).  When I started dating, I would take Krissy on dates with me!  I knew that my life would not be complete without a little one in it.

I got married when I was 17.  I wanted babies right away and yet it didn't happen.  I was so disappointed.  But I know things happen for a reason.  That marriage ended in divorce and, several years later, he killed himself.  If I had had a child with him it would have been very hard on that child.

I got pregnant when I was 34.  Oh what a time!!!  I was so excited and happy!  But sadly, I lost my baby.  Another proof that God knows what he's doing and what's in store for us.  His father was a jerk!  He told me that if the baby was a boy I should have an abortion but, if it was a girl we would get married.  After this baby, Spencer, I was told I would not get pregnant again and that I shouldn't.  If I did it would be dangerous and the pregnancy would end the same way.  I had a molar pregnancy and reoccurance is very likely.

Anyway, I always lived with someone, during both of my marriages.  We never had our own home - always with their mother.  Another part of my dream was to have my own home - a place that no one could make me leave or tell me that I couldn't change something around if I wanted to.  It appeared that the dream of having my own home wouldn't come true too.

I met Mark in 1998.  We enjoyed seeing each other on the week ends.  Not dating or anything like that.  He was a musician and I was in a dance class that dance where ever he played.  He knew the father of my child and didn't like him.  We became good friends and that was it.  We eventually started seeing each other and in 2005 we got married.  We  found out, much to our surprise, that I was pregnant!  Oh what a happy and tense time!  Two ultrasounds later we knew for sure that this pregnancy was not another molar pregnancy.  Our baby boy was born December 12, 2005 weighing 4 pounds 7 ounces!  We were (and still are) elated!

In September of 2008, we moved from the Gulf Coast of Florida to the Upstate of South Carolina.  We bought a house.  We moved in on Thanksgiving day. Yes, I had a lot to be thankful for!  For Christmas - just after my son turned three - we got his swing set.  My life was great!!

So, this empty swingset represents my dream come true!!  You see, I have a wonderful husband, a home of my own, and a little boy who plays on that swingset!!

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